Today is July 17th 2011. I have been doing a sort of dance, reminiscent of a mating ritual from Africa, with the same guy, for 4 years now, and it has to stop. He shows up without warning, every few months and fans the candle I carry for him until it reaches bonfire status, then he *poof* disappears. Leaving me broken in oh so many little shards until I work up the nerve to put them all back together again and move on. Then, mysteriously, he re-appears and the whole vicious cycle starts again. Each time he leaves without warning I tell myself that this is the last time I will put up with it. That I am better than the pathetic crying girl he reduces me to when he departs but each time he returns I am all too happy to re-engage with him. So tonight, 1 month after he made his last disappearing act ( if we are tallying this would be the 8th time) I am calling it quits. I've told him he has broken my heart for good and to lose my number. No more dance. My heart, my psyche, my emotions as a whole, can't handle him and the indifference he treats me with. I always hope that one day a light bulb will pop on in his brain, and he will realize that I am a good match for him, but I am reminded of the movie "He just not into you" and I've got to tell myself that I am the rule, not the exception. He isn't going to all of a sudden want me in his life as a permanent fixture. And the sooner I can realize that, I can start mending my heart for the final time where he is concerned.
I haven't cried yet. (As I inevitably will do) But I know in my heart, with certainty, that it is over. And anytime a chapter closes in your life it is sad. I am sad. My heart hurts because he didn't want me. My ego is bruised because he didn't want me. My everything hurts, because he didn't want me.
That and this person doesnt sound like marriage material anyway
ReplyDeleteThat and, no offense, sounds like a real jerk