Defeat but with Hope part 2 of 2

I just began reading a very powerful book entitled "Love and Respect". It is designed with the married couple in mind and focuses on Ephesians 33:5 Husbands you are to love your wife as you love yourself, wives you are to respect your husbands. The idea behind this is it is a woman's first nature to love. She doesn't need direction to do so, that is how she was designed by God, and it is a man's first nature to respect his partner and those in his life. The verse was written to remind us of the thing we most often forget to do for our mate, which for women is respect your husband and for men it is to love your wife. No one marries someone they don't love and respect, that would be an ill-fated union, but along the way, along the path of married life, a cycle made up of lack of these two things causes tension anger and malcontent. That's the basis of the book.
Now here is where I start to get a little slack-jawed. Let me point out that I am not married. I am a bit of a special case when it comes to relationships and therefore none have ever lasted very long for me. But, I do find wisdom in books written about marriage, especially about what a wife can be to make a marriage last, so that if I do ever succeed in a run to the altar I will know how to make it my only trip.
So I am breezing through this book last night, highlighter in hand, marking passages to learn and study and I come across this phrase "unconditional respect". I think my brain came to a rather abrupt halt when I read that. Unconditional wha? Such a foreign concept to me, that a man desires this, possibly without even knowing it, in his mate. You know, we grow up hearing that respect is earned and I am supposed to give my respect to someone unconditionally? forever? That is a lesson I will have to work and work at. I just can't fathom how to do that. Except with God. He knows what I desire. He knows who my future mate will be. He knows that I was given this book, at this time, to learn these things so that when His perfect timing was right I would be respectful of the right man and his eyes would be opened up with love for me.
Another thing I read, pertains more to the many men friends and acquaintances, brothers, coworkers and male family that I have. At the start of chapter 4 in this book it states that men have a hard time dealing with contempt. And contempt can be a conscious or an unconscious act on a woman's part. For example if I make fun of a man for his haircut, to his face, in a joking manner, I can hurt his feelings and in a way pass on the feeling that I harbor contempt for him which is equal to no respect in his eyes. Now joking is one of my favorite past times. Whether it be aimed at myself or my surroundings I find pleasure in making people laugh and sometimes it is at the expense of others but to me, it's all in good fun, never malicious. When I feel like I've stepped over the line I seek forgiveness from the person but I find that I don't do it all that often. But now that I have read that part of the book I am seeing that my sarcastic off-handed comments and my sometimes ill-worded jokes are putting the men around me in a place where they feel as though I harbor contempt for them. Now I know that this is not the case but do they know that? How many good things have I had a hand in ruining because I was inadvertently not respecting my male friends and family?
I need an overhaul on my attitude and the things that erupt from my mouth like old faithful. I drove home with tears streaming down my face as I re-evaluated the friendships and the relationships that have ended, especially when I felt that I was the injured party, only to realize that I should be taking 50% of the blame. What a hard thing to realize. How incredibly wrong I've been for the last 28 years. Quite a slap in the face if you ask me. And again I am standing at this new wall built before me. I look up and don't see the top but I know I must scale it in order to live a healthier, happier life and all I know is that this is not up to me. It is up to my God. My Maker, my Creator, my Savior, and my Guide. It is clear to me that He brought me to this so that He would be able to show me how glorious and powerful He truly is. I can't wait to embark on this new path that will ultimately make me a better person and a better wife-to-be.